Inspiration didn’t come to me easily. When I first quit my addiction I was unruly and hard headed to anyone and anything. I wasn’t myself, I only knew one thing and that was to stop drinking and when that thought came through my head for the last time I was actually a week away…. I had to have my last hurrah.
It was a week before I actually quite drinking (April 7th 2019) I was in my apartment in Mackenzie B.C. and it was the morning when I had woken up sick and tired and drowsy… I didn’t have any coffee or anything to really eat other than popcorn that I had bought a week before, the first thought that passed through my head was what time is it? that was always the first thought cause I already knew that what ever I had the night before I had already drank away which was most likely a mickey of Smirnoff. The next thing that went through my mind was if I had enough money to get what I wanted? the answer was yes this morning so my third thought was to get ready, Did I look alright to go out of my place? and the answer was no….. I looked like complete shit….. and as I looked in the mirror I thought to myself “What am I doing?” then this feeling came over me….. basically the first step in the twelve steps, but it wasn’t words, it was a feeling that I had to stop drinking, it was over taking me, I was jobless, heartless, loveless and lifeless.
Skipping ahead to finding inspiration in my life at this point was so bleak cause no one actually wanted to take me in. My parents didn’t want me, my friends didn’t want me and I had no one else. My cousin (one of the few that would talk to me) had mentioned that I should stay at a shelter and my mind went crazy!!! I would never, but I was running out of options fast so I ended up at Ketso Yoh in Prince George and that was crazy all by itself. I had never put myself in that sort of situation before, I always had a job, money, friends and if I didn’t have that I had my parents to enable me. I would soon come to realize that I needed that mens shelter more than it needed me cause this is where I found my inspiration in my sobriety.
To be staying at a Mens Shelter was an all time low in my life but like I said it was what ended up being my inspiration in my sobriety and I had to make the best of my situation. I was sleeping in the same room as other addicts that were still high, drunk or coming down and I was scared, I knew that if I had kept going down the road I was going I would’ve gotten into the drugs and I would be right where these guys were, homeless and down and out of my luck. It was these same people that inspired me to not go down that road and I seen them every day for 5 months. I seen them in St Vincent on second ave where they fed people like them and myself, To watch them try to eat their bowl of porridge and toast or cereal and coffee and to be always falling asleep. Always looking around with disdained eyes, for a little while I called them “my people” cause I wanted to feel accepted around these people but I would take that back soon cause I didn’t want my life to become a revolving door around addiction in downtown Prince George. I do thank them all for showing me how low life could have really gotten if I kept on doing what I was doing. To slip into the despair they had found solitude and comfort in. They inspired me to be better for me.
I found Wellbriety, a couple counsellors and my first real healthy relationship outside addiction and that came in the form of a friend, her name is Stephanie. I find inspiration everywhere I look now from my friend who’s 1 year in sobriety was Aug 19th 2019 to some randoms Facebook posts I see in my every day scrolling. The mens Shelter inspired me to be a better person and to be more self aware of my actions, to notice that I have a problem with drinking. I needed that Shelter in my life cause if I had gone to stay with my parents, they would have enabled me and no doubt I would still be drinking today.
My inspiration comes to me differently these days because I’m forever growing as a person in mind and body. I have 9 other roommates I live with now in a Recovery House near Vernon. Communal living definitely has its challenges because we are all in different parts of our recovery but that doesn’t deter us, this place is a tool to use our tools we’ve learned about through programs and life. To over come differences and conflicts in a healthy way and still be conscious about the others feelings and our own. Each one of my roommates inspire me to be a better person everyday as with everyone in my life and I hope you out there reading this finds the opportunity to find that same with everyone in your life as well.