This goes out to Sabrina, her children and family. I want to talk about grief and the idea of how traumatic it is see my cousin Sabrina left us suddenly 10 years ago tomorrow, doing what she knew best with a smile. She lived…. she was about her children, her family and looking for her own love in her life. She was my best friend and my cousin, and I miss her dearly, we all miss her that knew her.
The thing about grief is that if you really think about it, you have life and you have death. The world would be a little over crowded if we didn’t die. It’s so common that when we hear about it, we don’t bat an eye. That’s just how life is, that is until it happens to someone close to us and reality sets in and the world comes tumbling down. I don’t have words that would be able to explain how the hurt and the grief will lay upon you because for everyone it’s different. People grieve for the rest of their lives, people grieve for a year and some people don’t grieve at all. It’s just how people can be different. I have a cousin who’s 17 yr old boy passed away early last year and I see her Facebook and I sympathize for her wholeheartedly. I had to go through some grief with my daughter in a different way, the way that I knew she is alive still but was taken away from me 12 years ago and I had no idea that was a type of grief. It maybe different from my loving cousin and I’m not comparing but I can sympathize with her in a way at least. I give her all the credit in the world for how she chooses to deal with it cause at least it’s in a healthy way unlike how some people choose to grieve.
This is the point I’m really trying to make, traumatic events like sudden loss of a loved in can throw people in to an abyss of terminal despair and it’s in those events that you find comfort in a void that can never be filled by drugs, drinking, pills. It may not even look like that, it can look like an adrenaline junkie, shopping and over spending over your limits, taking unnecessary risk that takes your mind away from task or idea at hand. Take eating, people grieve by eating and a year later after trying to comfort themselves, filling their void with food, they become obese and even more ashamed, the spiral that feeds on itself over and over again.
We all have heard by some certain age, I don’t even know if they teach it in school these days, I never was taught when I was younger but through TV, reading, talking and over hearing that there are steps in grief, any type of grief out there. For the people that deal with death or grief by using or drinking is a very slippery slope. The chances of it exploding in their faces is surreal and scary. Trust me I’m one of those that has chosen to walk that road and its not laid in gold pavement and beauty but by treachery, trudging and falling. When my cousin Sabrina passed away I took 3 months off work around the time of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, I wasn’t working and I didn’t want to be around anyone and I had no idea how I got the money for all the booze I bought even but I made sure I was numb to the world around me. I had the games on TV and I sobered up enough for grief counselling once a week on Wednesdays but I was in a daze as soon as I got back. I hadn’t gone through anything like that with any other loss cause they were always family I really didn’t know and I was very luck to that point. When I finally stopped myself and told myself that, that was enough I didn’t know that I would come down with flu like symptoms for 9 hours straight, I was wearing sweats, snow gear and under 2 huge blankets still freezing and then it left just like that. I didn’t realize that was the power of just alcohol, I don’t want to imagine what drugs would cause but I bet it’s a lot worse.
I can only tell my story and let my cousin know that what she’ going through I have nothing but admiration for her and how she chooses to deal with her grief. I just needed to get this off my chest cause what I am going through in the next couple days are going to be hard, with my daughter added on that. Life of a recovering alcoholic isn’t all about butterflies, self realizations and epiphanies. They are hard work, awareness were their minds go and a choice that for the next 24 hours, we don’t pick up and we find out how to deal what ever we’re going through and be grateful for our life and the people we have in it right now and still love the people that left us too early.