I want to go back to why I started this blog in the first place. I have a problem with drinking and it wasn’t until I went to treatment that I quite, specifically it was dealing with inner child trauma situations that I was unawares of or just didn’t acknowledge because they hurt so much. What ever the case may be I was dealing with pain that lead to more pain, a revolving cycle that wreaked havoc on my life, pain I wasn’t aware of and pain begets pain. Addiction is what we use to run away from it.
Learning about trauma and reading “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts” Written by Dr. Gabor Mate, a physician who’s expertise is in trauma, addiction, stress and childhood development. He nailed it and I had never thought that trauma lead to addiction, that addiction or drinking was that the person was just hopeless and lacked compassion or empathy for self and others cause who treats family and friends the way we do when we were in our our addiction? I did some pretty horrible things to friends and family, even strangers that didn’t deserve the things I’ve done. When in our right minds we would never pull that shit on anyone that meant anything to us let a lone a stranger. A lot of Dr Gabor Mates patients were from East Hastings on the down town east side of Vancouver, BC and I’m gonna go as low as 90% cause I’m pretty sure it’s a little higher but of these addicted patients, 90% were sexually abused when they were children, they couldn’t fight back, they were innocent. They didn’t want to live, they chased around that high to get away from reality and numb those despair feelings. They risked their lives and didn’t care about anything, only wanting that feeling.
I want to get into another realization because when I was posting on my own Facebook about inner child work, signs and symptoms of trauma, grief, abandonment, guilt and such I had a few friends whom messaged me that a lot of the stuff they were reading was resonating with them. I believed they had no addiction problem what so ever. I asked myself why was this so? and an idea came about that maybe they were finding comfort in some other way or disconnecting themselves differently and subtly and they weren’t even aware of it themselves. Then I came upon what I read and found what Brene Brown was saying.
The Shield: Numbing Numbing is the embracing of whatever tactic works to lessen the pain we experience around discomfort and pain. However, it is ever more detrimental because it doesn’t just work to deaden the painful and difficult situations; numbing vulnerability works to dull the positive experiences as well.If we are numbing vulnerability –or what we see as the experience of or chance at pain and discomfort –we are, along the way, numbing joy, belonging, creativity and love.Daring Greatly, Brene Brown pg 137
Another example is a conversation between Brene and Oprah
Numbing, Brown says, is a type of armor that comes in many forms. Her numbing drug of choice is food. Drugs, gossip and social media are other ways we numb ourselves, she says. “A lot of people are numbed out with social media now,” Oprah says. “It’s so bad,” Brown agrees. “You know why? Because if I get laid off at work and I post that on Facebook, and I get 20 responses like, ‘I’ve got your back’ or ‘I’m sorry,’ it feels great. But it’s different than if I called you and said, ‘Hey Oprah, its Brené . I got laid off today. Do you have 10 minutes?’” Brown says. “Because in that real-person request is a very vulnerable bid for connection,” she explains. “I’m asking you, can you put everything down and hold space for me for the next 15 minutes? I’m in some pain.”https://www.huffpost.com/entry/brene-brown-joy-numbing-oprah_n_4116520
So beginning to see a trend in what I was reading and posting about awareness I thought to myself, why not start a blog, a group page, twitter and Instagram to get the word out there. Where Trauma leads to Addiction and Recovery uncovers the truth about a desolate life and discovery, reintegrating, rebuilding and essentially healing ourselves with awareness that was provided because we got curious about all these posts.
I don’t care if only a couple out of a few hundred people realize that something happened 20 years ago is what’s affecting them now and dealing with it by being an adrenalin junkie to take their mind off it, they start to take the steps to rectify their reactions so they can put it down and stop patterns in their lives for themselves and their children. It doesn’t have to be an adrenalin junkie as well, they can be a heroin addict or an alcoholic. Addiction knows no boundaries when it comes to running away and numbing and they can all become uncontrollable to a life threatening level. As the 1st of the 12 steps says, “We admitted we were powerless over addiction–that our lives had become unmanageable.” that is what I want to bring awareness about, The powerlessness and un-manageability
I also want to recognize Recovery because recovery is possible, I am almost 10 months as of this writing myself and I have struggled with people that are close to me and with my own emotions and feelings. It’s those struggles that I am grateful for though because they are growth in hard situations, they are tools I can fall back on and say, ” You know, I can deal with that now because I’ve went through that before.” People are recovering everyday and new people are starting their recovery every day as well. We help each other cause as humans we’re not perfect and an addict knows this about another addict so he/she has empathy and compassion for the new comer because it helps their recovery as well.
My blog is about passion, empathy and honesty. What I write about is my journey and being vulnerable with that journey. It’s not attacking, blaming, condescending on others in anyway. I use only first names when I can, and when it comes to my family I can’t do that but I am only speaking my truth and healing myself, I am coming to terms with how I dealt with in the past and how I choose to heal now. I am learning to love myself as well as my family and friends from my heart and not my head.