Haven’t forgot about you all out there, I am having a bit of writers block and having to get as far as I can with my English 12 before I head back into Treatment. No I didn’t relapse, I’m going back to work on some core issues of sorts, I’m hoping that by being around new and raw people in recovery will invoke new things I can work on and do this all before April 7th because this is my One year in sobriety!!! Treatment will last from Feb 24th – April 9th but I’ll be done before the end or maybe not. I will be thinking about this for a few more days before I make this decision.
On the other hand I have been noticing a shift in my recovery, I’ve had them all along and I’m very aware when they are happening when I’m going through them. The first one was when I was in my first 3 months in recovery. I can only explain it as being in a relationship with my sobriety and in that puppy love, I was excited and exhilarated with all my new emotions and feelings I was going through. When I hit my 3 months, it changed from a puppy love to a long term relationship of sorts. I was comfortable in having the feeling that this was gonna be a life time journey with experiences and healthy relationships.
My new shift is the realization that I am able to plan more into the future without feeling anxiety. In early recovery we have to understand that looking to far into the future brings fear and anxiety, that not being able to be like everyone is not what we thought our lives to be, and that could in a lot of cases lead to a relapse. A sort of stinking thinking. I also feel that my thinking is not that of being afraid of the idea of alcohol anymore. I do realize that it’s the problem that has brought me to my current situation and that will always be on the back burner in my mind. However where my life is going with upgrading, self healing and finding new ventures in finding ways to be financially free with online businesses is taking way to much time. I have a life outside of alcohol and this is where I always visioned myself to be headed. I want to enjoy life and not be afraid of being around any addiction issues. I am writing my own program cause it is my life but I will be mindful is my situations.
Anyways its Feb 12 and its a gorgeous day here in Vernon BC and I have a coffee date soon. I will come back later for more content. Nathan